it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
