If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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