i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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