I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
