it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
