going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
