Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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