Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
