you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
