When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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