lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
