you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
