he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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