i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
