Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
