Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
