My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
