I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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