How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
