Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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