The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
