yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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