yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
