too bad you live with your parents still
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
