we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
