One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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