My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
