She's JV to your varsity
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
