The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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