I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
