Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
