btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
