I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
