Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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