Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
