Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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