you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am midnight drunk by noon
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
