I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
