i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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