my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
