Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
