wakey wakey hands off snakey
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Everyone says I win the strip club
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
