lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
