And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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