What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
