NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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