Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
