Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
