My Higher Power is John Stamos
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
