Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
