Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
